It took me a lotta years to learn a lesson that everyone else knew but me. And I wasted a lot of time and energy on fool’s errands fighting my way forward or dragging my heels kicking and screaming to prove everyone else wrong.
Once I tell you what it is, you’re likely to chuckle to yourself and think: Duh! I could’ve told him that!
Here it is: I’m not in control of everything.
In fact, I’m only able to control a very few things, and I’m not particularly good at those.
At work, that can be a problem, because our and our company’s success depends on other people doing what we ask them to do. And we don’t control what anyone else thinks, feels, says, or does.
Worse yet, no one wants to work for a controlling boss.
We intuitively know there is a host of outside influences to our company’s success that we can’t control: natural (and man-made) disasters, the weather, global pandemics, government regulations, the past and future, etc. While knowing it doesn’t keep us from being concerned about it, that’s why we make contingency plans for when things go wrong. It’s what keeps a crisis from turning into chaos.
But worrying about things we don’t control is a waste of time and energy.
People, on the other hand…
Ultimately, what other people say and do is out of our control. So, what should we do, throw up our hands in defeat when someone’s behavior blocks the road to success?
Of course not. That’s where influence plays a key role in our leadership. Yes, manipulators influence others, too – to their own advantage or to serve their own purpose; leaders use their influence for the good of the organization.
Think of influence – like emotional intelligence – as a superpower that you can use for good or evil. Leaders use it for good.
If you’ve been a reader of At C-Level for any length of time, you know that people don’t do what we ask for three reasons: they don’t know how, we won’t let them, and/or they don’t want to. We may control the institutional roadblocks that keep them from being able, but we can only influence what they know and what they want to do.
And only we can control how we exert that influence.
As leaders, when we leave others feeling cared about and that their efforts contribute to success – both theirs and the organization’s – there’s a better chance than not we’ll see a positive change in behavior.
On the other hand, if what we say and do feels like manipulation to others, well… I don’t know about you, but I don’t respond well to manipulation.
And then there’s the big, bad world. If we rail about The Man about something we have no control or influence over, we’re wasting our breath. It doesn’t even really make us feel better.
And how we feel is something only we have control over.
Trust me; I know it’s hard to let go. Especially for us control freaks (you know who you are). It takes effort and has to be intentional. To this day I keep a reminder on my desk to separate what I can control from what I can’t.
Bottom line: control what you can, influence what you need to (to benefit the organization), and stop fretting over the other stuff. Don’t spend needless energy or resources when you’re actually out of control.
As a seasoned (beats “old”) executive and leadership coach, I’ve had the privilege and honor of working with myriad top-tier leaders and executives for over 20 years.
And let me tell you, it’s been a wild, crazy, and usually fun ride.
Also sometimes hectic, disturbed, frustrating and leaving me mumbling what the hell…? But that’s a different article.
One thing I’ve learned is that even the most successful, high-achieving individuals among us can benefit from a little guidance and support. Some more than others (oops, did I say that out loud?).
But why?
Well, for starters, it ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know that just ain’t so.
I first heard that phrase when used by a board chair describing why he supported his CEO in this coaching endeavor. I know now that Mark Twain may have said it earlier, but I also know that this board chair said it better.
It’s the things we’re absolutely certain about, but are actually dead wrong, that can really get in the way.
We’ve all been there: convinced that our way is the best (or only) way, that our gut instinct always serves us well, or that our decades of experience have given us untoward wisdom as a superpower.
But the truth is, there’s always room for improvement, and a fresh perspective can be just what we need to avoid an unnecessary misstep.
Like in tennis, when execs make blunders they really could have avoided, I call them unforced errors. Those hurt. And they suck.
Another Matrix-like reality is that you don’t always know with certainty if the success you’re having is because of you or in spite of you. Are you really bending the spoon? That’ll bake your noodle…
I can get carried away with movie references, sorry.
I mean, think about it – have you ever looked around at your team and wondered, “Are they just humoring me, or do they actually think my ideas are straight-up genius?”
Okay, maybe that’s just me.
But how often do we attribute our success to our own decision-making, instincts, acumen or brilliance, when it just might be due to a combination of factors, like luck, circumstance, or even the herculean efforts of others?
That maybe all of our suggestions are praised because of our business card, not our brilliance?
Though initially a tough pill to swallow, acknowledging to the world that we don’t have all the answers can be incredibly liberating.
And then there’s the age-old adage, the favorite of my colleague and friend Kevin Ross: “Be the reason, not an excuse.”
Every day we make this choice – we can be the reason our folks succeed, or we can be the excuse they give when they fail. And every day, you have to choose.
It sometimes feels like a subtle distinction; it’s not.
When we’re willing to own our mistakes, take responsibility for our actions, and actively seek to improve, we become the reason our teams thrive.
Sounds eerily like accountability. We are the exemplar for other positive behaviors.
But when we’re too proud to ask for help, too afraid to admit our weaknesses, or just too damned stubborn to change a course, we become the excuse they use to justify their own shortcomings.
We become the exemplar for their poor behavior and/or performance.
So, what does all of this have to do with executive coaching?
Well, everything.
As a coach, my job is helping you separate the things that ain’t so from the things that really matter – to you and your team.
I’m here to help you realize when your success is due to your own efforts versus just dumb luck.
And by the way, there’s nothing at all wrong with a little luck here and there. Go play golf. Just be cognizant of the difference, so you can map out future efforts.
Most importantly, I’m here to support you in becoming someone’s reason – not their excuse. The example that others use daily, and the person they point a finger to when others ask how something should work.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being willing to learn, grow, and adapt.
And let’s be real, who among us hasn’t benefited from a little bit of guidance and support at some point? Even coaches have coaches. I do.
If you’re intrigued by the idea of executive coaching, or if you’re simply tired of being your own excuse, I’d love to discuss.
Friday, January 10th was National Quitters Day. Always the second Friday after New Years Day, Quitters Day is the day people are most likely to decide to quit their New Year’s resolutions.
(Look it up – I don’t make everything up.)
I suspect it’s because people who decide to stop drinking want to go out and party after missing a weekend, but I’m not a researcher. And I digress.
Speaking for myself, there are plenty of behaviors I should stop doing in my personal life, and since my daughter is about to have our first grandchild, now seems as good a time as any.
Speaking as a leader, I quit a number of behaviors a long time ago, because I learned how detrimental they were to successful team performance and how hurtful they can be to individuals. Some I learned by trial and error, and some were brought to my attention.
The latter was usually painful, so maybe you can learn vicariously from my mistakes. These may not all resonate with you, but here are a few behaviors I needed to quit that were a surprise to me:
Showing favoritism. Never in a million years did I think I was playing favorites. I thought I was just treating my high performers like high performers and my slugs like slugs. What I learned was how you act toward someone has nothing to do with how you assign work or recognize accomplishments. There’s a big difference, and I’m different now.
If that might sound like you, quit playing favorites.
Being unapproachable. What?? Me?! I had a clear open-door policy: if I wanted you in my office, my door was open. From feedback I got, that didn’t even begin to scratch the surface. I wasn’t approachable: if I was busy, in a hurry, in a bad mood, or if someone was easily intimidated. What I learned as the leader of a team was being approachable was (and still is) one of the most important behaviors a leader should exhibit. It comes with being a good listener, encouraging, empowering, and if need be, forgiving.
Quit being unapproachable.
Setting unclear expectations. I knew what I wanted done, and I told them what they needed to do. It seemed clear to me. The results were predictable: their failure to meet expectations resulted in my frustration. It took a high performer to finally open my eyes. She didn’t know the results I was looking for, the purpose or what would be done with the results, or when I wanted them by. Apparently, she couldn’t read my mind.
A tip: not everyone is as smart as you. I recommend you quit setting unclear expectations.
Pretending to know when I didn’t. Guilty. And I knew I did it. After all, what leader wants to look stupid in front of their team. What I didn’t know was that I already looked stupid in front of the team, because someone did know and soon, everyone else would know but me. Follow that?
Not only do pretenders lose respect and trust, but there are also a host of negative consequences that come along with making bad decisions or recommendations because you don’t want to admit you don’t know. On the other hand, acknowledging a gap in your expertise and asking for help shows honesty and humility. And that produces respect and trust – the currency of leadership.
If you’re a pretender like I was, quit it!
I don’t know what behaviors you need to quit exhibiting, but I do know there’s an easy way to figure them out. Try this:
Think of the very worst leader you’ve ever had. Now think of the behaviors that made them the worst and the way they made you feel. Quit doing those.
Now think of the best leader you’ve ever had and the behaviors that made them the best. Start doing those instead.
No better time than the start of the new year to give yourself a little leadership tune-up.
Or you can keep doing the same thing and getting the same results.
As an executive coach, I get to see leadership in action across all kinds of organizations. After reflecting on my chats and visits with clients this past year, I’ve put together ten important lessons going forward that really stood out.
These aren’t just theories from a textbook—they’re insights I’ve gathered right from the frontlines of corporate life that will help you navigate your 2025 with success.
Lesson 1: You Gotta Wanna
(Mrs. Burch, my 3rd grade English teacher, is rolling in her grave.)
Look, all the C-suite endorsements, mentorship programs, and golden opportunities won’t matter one bit if someone isn’t demonstrably hungry for their own growth.
I had a client, a next-level exec—a rising star on paper—who had it all: executive sponsorship, a clear path to the top, the whole shebang.
But they remained stubbornly head-down in the weeds, refusing to accept the support, feedback, or assistance offered.
Can’t push a rope, folks.Lesson 2: Protecting Poor Performers is Risky
When you keep a struggling leader (particularly a senior leader) too long, you’re not just losing 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒–productivity, performance–you’re actively damaging 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠.
Your credibility takes a hit, and the whole team knows it.
It’s a slow leak in your leadership boat–eventually, 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑠 𝑤𝑒𝑡.
Address performance issues head-on, particularly within leadership. Your team will thank you for it (trust me on this).
Lesson 3: Echo Chambers are Dangerous
Want to hear something uncomfortable?
Growth, progress, improvement–all require 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒.
And yet we are frequently surrounded with voices that whisper “we’ve always done it this way” in our ear.
Those comfort-seeking echoes? They’re the death knell of progress.
When everyone’s nodding, 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔.
Lesson 4: Similar Challenges, Different Scopes
That unique leadership challenge keeping you up at night?
𝑆𝑝𝑜𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑟𝑡: It’s likely not as unique as you think.
From C-level to front-line supervisors, managers, and team leads, I see the same core challenges play out–just with different dollar signs attached.
𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑣𝑖𝑒𝑤 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑’𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒.Lesson 5: Leadership Improvement is a Ratchet
Here’s the thing about leadership growth–there’s no “back” button.
Once you level up your leadership game? That’s it. Your new baseline.
Your team isn’t thinking “wow, she’s better than last year, hope it sticks.”
There’s a quote frequently attributed to John Wayne, “𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑; 𝑖𝑡’𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑝𝑖𝑑.”
Whether he said it or not, the premise is true: If you don’t know what you’re doing, leadership can be harder than it needs to be.
𝐿𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔–𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒’𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑐𝑢𝑡.
Wrap-up
These lessons might seem simple or even obvious.
But as with most leadership stuff, the hard part isn’t figuring them out; it’s putting them into practice.
You must do the heavy lifting yourself.
The best leaders I’ve come across this year weren’t necessarily the smartest or the most charming—they were the ones who knew these truths and acted on them over and over again.
Leading isn’t about getting it perfect; it’s about getting better.
It’s about being a bit better today than you were yesterday and even better tomorrow.
Get better in 2025.
Hope you found something useful in these observations from the field, and these lessons can help guide you on that journey.
I’d really love to hear your thoughts on your 2025 leadership journey.
Oh, and before my inbox fills up—no, that wasn’t about you. Unless, of course, you clearly see yourself in these lessons. In that case, maybe we should chat. You know how to reach me.
So, how do we navigate the post-election terrain and steer our teams positively?
Here are ten strategies to consider:
Embrace the rollercoaster, expect big changes: Forget autopilot. The new administration, liberated from the constraints of re-election, will likely be making bold, rapid, even aggressive decisions.
Think agility, think adaptability, think “we’re not in Kansas anymore.” Stay nimble. Stay informed. Stay ready to pivot.
Embrace both empathy and logic. Emotions run high after elections. Some folks are ecstatic, others despondent. Lead with empathy.
Recognize that people on your team may have strong feelings, regardless of where they fall on the political spectrum. Equally important: don’t let emotions cloud your judgment.
Inflation is a logical consequence of economic forces. Recession talk, while influential, is often fueled by emotion. Manage both with a steady, rational hand.
Succession planning 2.0 – It’s not just about age anymore. Remember that impending wave of senior leaders nearing retirement? It just crested. A combination of “enough of this, I’m out” and the traditional “I can finally step aside” crowds are heading for the exits.
Prepare your organization for a potential leadership shuffle. Identify and nurture your future leaders.
Time for succession planning on steroids.
The talent hunt just got real. In a market where everyone is playing musical chairs, standing out is crucial. Invest in your leaders (all levels) and your company culture.
Recruit strategically. Prioritize retention.
Remember that engaged employees are your strongest asset.
Shift into hyperdrive (without burning them out). The pace of change is accelerating. “Sweeping and aggressive” might be an understatement.
Cultivate a sense of urgency within your organization, while being mindful that speed without direction is just chaos. Balance rapid execution with clear communication and support for your team. Focus on accountability.
Help them adapt to the accelerated pace and avoid burnout. Be present.
Innovate or obsolete. Now is the time for bold innovation. Whether it’s efficiency gains, incremental improvements, or disruptive breakthroughs, innovation will be essential for staying in the race.
Encourage experimentation, embrace calculated risks, and create a culture where new ideas can flourish. Well-thought mistakes are huge learning opportunities.
Breakage happens – Ready Plans B and C. With rapid change comes the likelihood of… well, things breaking. Contingency planning isn’t optional now; it’s your lifeline.
Anticipate potential disruptions, develop alternative strategies, and be prepared to pivot quickly when necessary.
Embrace urgency and accountability. Holding people accountable isn’t about being a jerk; it’s about achieving results.
In the post-election whirlwind, clear expectations and consistent follow-through are more critical than ever. Define roles, delegate effectively, and ensure that everyone understands their contribution to the success of the organization.
Manage the influencers. On your team, not on Instagram. The corporate world isn’t immune to political influence. Expect some big players (relationships, support, donations) on your rolls may to try and leverage their connections.
Help them navigate this new landscape with grace and wisdom. Steer them away from knee-jerk reactions, ego-driven decisions, and anything that could be remotely construed as “stupid.”
Remember, this too shall pass. Elections are a cyclical phenomenon. The intensity of the current moment will eventually fade. But that doesn’t mean you can be complacent.
Remember, leadership isn’t necessarily about predicting the future, it’s about navigating it. Stay informed, stay adaptable, and stay laser-focused on leading your team, regardless of who occupies the Oval Office.
Are you tired of hearing the same old gripes around the building? Really annoyed by the whiners and complainers who just seem to never shut up?
Well, do something!
But there’s a catch – you have to do it right, or else you become the poster child for “throwing good money after bad.” Or, my favorite, “No good deed goes unpunished.”
As an executive coach and leadership consultant, I’ve seen myriad leadership teams seemingly stuck in analysis paralysis. You know the drill – discussions, meetings, and reports, ad nauseum.
But zero action. It’s like they’re waiting for the silver bullet to magically appear, while employees are wondering if this comedy show has any adult supervision at all.
Sometimes, you just gotta do something.
Listen, Learn, and Look for the Big Stuff
First things first, you’ve got to know what’s broken. Likely, you’ve got a good idea. You’ve heard it before, can see the signs, you’ve read the tea leaves… whatever.
Now’s not the time to be intentionally obtuse – you know what’s up.
Stop pretending you’re too busy. You’re not.
So, stop and listen. If you have the time, a survey could be a good idea (assuming enough trust exists), or go old school and keep your ear to the ground if a survey isn’t in the cards. Lean on your trusted advisors for guidance.
You’re not looking for nitpicks and minutiae; you want the real stuff – the known reasons for leaving, the memes, the jokes, the elephants in the room.
Listen to those rumblings in the hallway, the whining in the break room, the passive-aggressive comments in meetings, and those outwardly awkward pauses on Zoom calls.
A cautionary note here: Never, ever ask – be it a survey, a town hall, or even a well-intentioned curiosity email – unless you are willing to take some action. Just don’t.
Better to not ask and not do, than to ask and not do. Trust me on this.
Fix What You Can, Address What You Can’t
Now go to work. Focus on low-hanging fruit – the things that can be quickly fixed, like work arrangements or team relationships. Maybe even – heaven forbid – slicing up some of the bureaucratic bullshit permeating the place.
These are the quick wins that don’t require a miracle or a honkin’ big budget.
Improving office spaces, offering some flexibility in schedules, and encouraging all to play well together. These go a long way. Maybe even turn up the thermostat by half a degree. Crazy, I know.
Don’t try to do everything at once; you can’t anyway, and you’ll break something trying. Do some things, test the results, do some more. Prioritize for impact.
But be real, there will be things that can’t be fixed. And that’s okay. Don’t ignore or act like they aren’t real; address them openly and honestly. Explain why they can’t be fixed and what – if anything – you’re doing to mitigate the issue. Transparency is key.
Tell ’em What You Fixed
I see so many leadership teams screw up this part. It’s not enough to ask what needs fixing. It’s not even enough to actually do the fixing. You simply must get just as good at telling people what you have done, and why (hint: it’s because they asked for it).
You’re doing the heavy lifting – may as well get some credit for it. You know you’ll get the blame if it breaks, so get what you can.
“Hey, we fixed the coffee machine in the breakroom since you guys brought it up,” will do more than you know for engagement, morale, and satisfaction. Never kid yourself; little things matter.
I’m serious about this, it’s a regular misstep. Leaders fix a few things, break their arm patting themselves on the back, and go merrily on their way, assuming everyone will just magically know about it.
Newsflash: not how it works.
Follow up and communicate what you’ve done. You took action to address some of their concerns and issues. Don’t shy away from publicity now – take credit for taking action.
Those you lead need to know that you’re listening, that you care (hello, empathy?), and that you’re doing something about the crap they wrestle with.
So, there you have it. Just do something (but do it right!). It’s not rocket science, but it does require some effort and intention. Remember, your team is counting on you to lead, to listen, and to take action. So, what are you waiting for?
