by D. Kevin Berchelmann | Aug 11, 2014 | Brazen Leader, Organizational Effectiveness, Uncategorized
Conflict is a natural occurrence. In fact, it’s frequently a really good thing, allowing organizational success by way of diverse thinking. My favorite phrase: When reasonably intelligent, well-intentioned people disagree, the organization is better served.
And I believe that. Of course, I could write a treatise on the reasonably intelligent and well-intentioned qualifiers, but that’s for a different posting…
Instead, I’m just going to provide some tips and tidbits for combatting unhealthy conflict. Not to silent healthy conflict, mind you; I’m referring to the other kind. The simple, three-step model for conflict resolution has always been:
- Get all the facts on the table,
- Understand the others’ positions, and
- Find a win-win solution.
Now, I don’t know about you, but that last step seemed to take a quantum leap of faith after the first two. Here are some specifics that may help to bring that leap of faith back to something closer to a normal acceptance of logic…
- Listen. No, not that kind of listening… really listen. Listen to understand, not refute. Listen to find common ground, not to validate your position. Listen, hard.
- Don’t interrupt. Your parents told you that–you should have listened to them (see guidance above). Keep your blankety-blank trap shut and let someone talk. You can’t listen if you don’t, and the very act of obvious respect may act as a conflict-resolving catalyst. Stranger things have happened. And while we’re discussing interruptions… opening your mouth, shaking your head, and otherwise demonstrating your desire to speak are all interruptions, even if no noise comes out of your pie hole. Don’t do it.
- Use “I” messages. Yes, we learned that ridiculously basic, 3-part feedback technique in Communications 101 (did you take notes?). They are as useful and viable as ever, and even more so when resolving conflict.
- “When you…”
- “I feel…”
- “Because…”
Remember, our goal is to resolve conflict–really change
behavior–not to simply
win.
- Ask. If you really want to know “what it will take” for someone to get over a conflict situation, it may be as simple as simply asking. Give it a shot.
Conflict may be necessary for successful organizations, but unhealthy conflict is never part of that need. As leaders, we must identify it, address it, deal with it.
But that’s just me…
by D. Kevin Berchelmann | May 5, 2014 | Brazen Leader, Executive Improvement, Uncategorized
The NBA’s Adam Silver is no demonstrably exceptional leader. At least
given the recent example of decision-making without discernment. At best, he
could be a negative example… something to hold up as a “kids, don’t do this”
sort of thing.
Now, before everyone gets all huffy, hear me out; Donald
Sterling is a moronic jerk. I can’t say for certain whether he’s a racist, though I can say
that, assuming the recordings are valid and in context, he’s said some things
that sure sounded racist. He damned sure needed to be punished, no
question. I don’t question Silver’s decision, merely make a case that the decision was virtually faite accompli, and not representative of the type of lofty leadership with which others are giving credit.
Here’s the thing: making a reactionary decision, based
on extraordinary public outcry on behavior that by all accounts was nothing new
(numerous accounts of Sterling saying these things before) is far from an
exhibition in leadership. It shows no vision (the behavior wasn’t new) and it (forcing sale) wasn’t even his decision to make. He simply decided to ask the owners to
make that decision.
He’s being held up as courageous, in part, for making a
decision to ask someone else to make a decision.
Corporate sponsors were bailing out, players (even the
Clippers’) were talking boycott, and the media frenzy was threatening to sully
the entire sport. Donald Sterling didn’t “do” anything special (this time) except say
something to a single person that was recorded. This entire hoopla is not based
on Sterling’s previously well-known racist behaviors (e.g., discriminatory slumlord) or any such atrocity.
This became an issue because dollars started being effected.
In my view, Silver
had no choice, and no-choice decisions–like bankruptcy, financial layoffs,
closures, paying required taxes and making payroll on payday–are not
“leadership,” no matter how necessary. In fact, they frequently represent quite the opposite.
Like all decisions, there are two camps in the aftermath.
Those who believe a given decision was correct hail the decision-maker as smart and
decisive; those who do not, see the decision as a poor one made in the heat of
the moment without benefit of due consideration. I’m not weighing in behind
either camp—I’m simply saying that this particular decision, though potentially
necessary—was no specific indicator of leadership acumen and values.
Sort of like the optimist/pessimist argument: pessimists say
the glass is half empty, optimists say the glass is half full. I’m a
consultant; all I know is that you’ve got too much glass.
Now, to add insult to injury, Dennis Hof has banned Sterling from the Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada. And he did it proactively, unwilling to jeopardize current clientele who might be present when Sterling paid a visit, using known evidence and incomplete information and without any media or public pressure.
Just something to think about.
But that’s just me…
