Seems like I’ve talked to an awful lot of imposters lately.
Run of the mill people, important people, people who used to work for me, and people I’ve worked for. We laughed at “not getting found out” as our careers progressed up the ladder, feeling like we were faking our way through success. Classic imposter syndrome – successful from the outside looking in with a self-perception of barely-concealed incompetence from the inside looking out. (more…)
It’s been 20 years since Daniel Goldman’s book “Emotional Intelligence” was published, and interest in the subject doesn’t seem to be losing steam. There are volumes of research that link social and emotional abilities to personal success and seemingly countless self-help books on improving your EQ. A recent unscientific consultation with The Google quickly returned about 14 million hits on the subject.
Not to sound blasphemous, but emotional intelligence is just not that complicated.
Most people have way more EQ than they give themselves credit for. In fact, I’ve only met two people with really low emotional intelligence: my teenage daughter’s boyfriend and a senior government executive whose entire Johari Window is a blind spot.
Using sophisticated words to describe your EQ may make you sound sagacious at the office cocktail party, but measuring your EQ matters much less than using what you have for good instead of evil…kind of like a super power.
If the answers to any of these questions ring a bell, you probably have a higher EQ than you think:
Is it important to be aware of your emotions and how they influence interpersonal and group dynamics? Absolutely. Can I always control my emotional response because I know what pushes my buttons? Nope.
Does being able to recognize another person’s emotional state help you respond in a way that de-escalates the situation and yields a more positive outcome? Certainly. Do I occasionally pass on the opportunity to de-escalate just for the entertainment of watching a jerk lose his mind? Yep.
Can showing empathy to a frustrated co-worker turn things around and bring them back off the ledge? Almost always. Do I occasionally poke the badger because I’m tired of the whining? Guilty.
See – you don’t need to know your EQ score or fancy vernacular to know whether a response to a given situation is going to make it better or worse. But if you’re looking for the success that comes with more developed social and emotional abilities, you have to be intentional about using your EQ for good.
Look at it this way: If you’re forever finding yourself in emotionally charged or awkward exchanges, you’re either doing it on purpose, or you’re too self-absorbed to realize what’s happening until it’s too late. Either way, it’s YOU. Like my oldest daughter told me the other day, “if everything around you smells like $#!+, you should probably check your shoe.” If you’re doing it on purpose, that’s using your EQ for evil – stop it! Assuming it’s the latter, a little EQ boost is easier than you think.
Begin with some healthy introspection about your interactions with others and how you view your co-workers.
Start appreciating what your teammates are contributing, and treat them like human beings that have good days and bad days.
Look for the good in others (instead of expecting the worst), and don’t just help them because of what they can contribute to your cause, but because helping others is what we’re on the Earth for.
Good leadership creates an environment where using EQ for good comes naturally. It creates a “we” organization with people who have a shared sense of purpose. It develops people who know how to have healthy disagreements without the emotional escalation that stems from a lack of trust. It builds a culture where feedback isn’t a dirty word, and it creates teams that know success isn’t hiding behind a thin veneer of playing nice.
So, you can be content with the EQ you have, or you can read the books, attend training seminars, and take as many self-assessments (notoriously unreliable for those with low EQ) as you can stand to measure your EQ improvement. Just know that regardless of how emotionally intelligent you are, if you’re not using your “super power” for good, your organization is better off without you.
Intentional leadership takes time, and there are already plenty of demands on the 24 hours we have. Our jobs certainly aren’t getting easier, and I’m betting that most of your day isn’t consumed by core leadership tasks like motivating, developing, mentoring and guiding others toward the implementation of a vision.
So, how much of your job as a leader should you delegate? Almost none of it, since leading more effectively will bring the most benefit to both your people and your organization.
On the other hand, when it comes to management tasks, you should delegate virtually everything that someone else can do. Here’s when I learned it:
Not long after 9-11, I was feeling a little overwhelmed juggling tasks as the commander of a little special operations flying outfit. Not only were we in near constant motion supporting the very young war effort, but we’d also just been told that our unit was closing in six months. The challenge: maintaining combat capability to the last day while working the not-very-responsive personnel management system to find everyone jobs. All while coordinating shut-down activities like asset disposition, facilities turnover, audits, ceremonies…you get the idea.
One day, I caught my second-in-command re-typing (yes, typing) a flight authorization to correct some minor errors made by one of our young Airmen. I’m afraid I reacted poorly to his justification that he was just showing the troops he wasn’t afraid to get “in the trenches.”
“Trenches, hell, get up here and help me lead!!”
I’ve got the stick for a minute.
It was a watershed moment for both of us. When I started delegating tasks to others in the organization, people jumped at the chance to get more engaged. And when we reviewed progress toward the various goals, it was their moment to shine as their extra effort was recognized. It was easy to make it about them, and it made me a better leader because I could focus on my core leadership tasks.
Why aren’t we good at delegating? For most it’s somewhere between “If I want it done right, I’ll have to do it myself” and “I don’t want to admit I need help getting all this stuff done.”
It’s time to put your ego aside and remember that there is almost always more than one way to successfully accomplish a task. It isn’t necessarily wrong just because it’s not the way you’d do it, and if you’ve created a culture where it’s a sign of weakness to ask for help, you have bigger problems than being a poor delegator.
In most office settings, everyone has some spare capacity. Use your employees’ spare capacity to create more time and space for you to focus on what’s important as a leader. Not just for your benefit, of course; delegation helps people learn and grow as they take on a greater variety of tasks, and they feel more engaged with each task accomplished.
So how do we become more effective delegators?
Start with a list. Make a list of tasks that can only be done by you – core leadership tasks and those that can’t be done by others because of policy or serious risk of organizational failure (real failure, not the Henny Penny kind). Then make a list of everything else you do; that’s your list of tasks to be delegated.
Choose the right person. But don’t over-think it – just start matching your task list with the most logical people. Think about giving them input about what they’d like to take on as additional duties. You might be surprised how much more willing they are to give extra effort when you get their buy-in up front.
Give clear guidance. When delegating, make your expectations clear, and then step back and give them room to succeed. As long as you’ve established clear boundaries, empowered them to make decisions at a lower level and let them feel like they’re contributing to the organization in a more meaningful way, you’ve set them on the right path. It’s okay to check up on them – that’s good management – but don’t micromanage them or you’ll both be worse off than you started.
Oh yeah, make sure you tell others that someone else with be taking over some tasks they’re used to you doing.
Re-evaluate your task list in a couple of months to see what needs to be refined. Don’t be afraid to make some tasks rotational or to give additional guidance where needed. Learning to delegate effectively is a process; don’t expect overnight success.
Are routine tasks keeping you from spending your time taking care of your people? What’s keeping you from being a more effective delegator?
As leaders, we need data and information to make sound decisions. Without them, we are but knee-jerk reactionaries, our direction and focus more resembling a weather vane in the wind than the rock-solid vision necessary for leading others.
So, as we start this new year, let’s decide now that we’ll do everything within our power to have access to that information. For instance: Do you blow up (real or perceived) when your staff brings you really bad news? Shooting the messenger is the pinnacle of foolish; the bad news continues, you simply don’t get it anymore.
The truth is, we should embrace those delivering us bad news. Even if they caused it. we can deal with the performance and behavior later, but right now, the best thing we can hope for is knowledge.
So, what do we say to our folks to prompt such open and forthright discussions? Well, realize first that your words don’t mean squat if your actions portray something else, but here are some suggestions:
1. Tell your staff to always be honest and frank with you, particularly when one-on-one. Having to “ask the right question” to get to an answer is no way to run a railroad. Or a manufacturer. Or a construction company.
2. Make sure they don’t color bad news positively. Present it “naked,” so to speak. As I frequently tell clients, “I’m just going to say this, and probably poorly. Please allow me to clean it up afterward.” You do the same. Unvarnished, bare truth first, pretty, glossy, covers later.
3. They need to know that you want ALL relevant information — good and bad. It’s not “horn-tootin’” to let you know of things that happened as planned; it’s simply informing your boss of relevant status. Both are important.
4. Tell them you want both sides of any story with known conflict. We can’t be interested in a one-sided flow of information; the hallmark of a good senior manager is the ability to see and discuss both sides, even if they personally favor one.
5. Make sure they realize that, if they know the answer, they should say so. Equally, if they don’t know the answer, they shouldn’t wrap it in so much BS that it appears they do.
These are merely suggestions. It’s a new year; time to correct some old “wrongs,” establish some new “rights.” One of those rights should be positive, accurate communications between you and your staffs.
As a friend of mine is so fond pf saying… “This ain’t rocket surgery.”
Human Resources is not a day care. As such, conflict resolution should only be a part of our accountabilities as it relates to making the business successful.
In other words, we aren’t resolving conflict merely to create some kumbaya-looking harmonious state; we resolve conflict so employees will work better and be more productive.
Sometimes, the right answer can be taken from a day care playbook: Shut up, sit down, and color. Quit touching her. Don’t make me stop this car. The list goes on.
They all mean the same thing — “Drop the petty stuff and get back to work.”
I know that sounds heartless, but we are actually paying these folks, right? I don’t think saying, “Hey, I paid you last week — do your job and quit starting trouble” is terribly out of line. In fact, we should probably say it more often.
Yes, there are times when conflict resolution skills come in handy; times when more finesse and delicate handling is called for. But let’s be real — that’s not the norm. Too frequently, HR gets involved in regular, interpersonal dynamics that have little to do with business productivity or success, and everything to do with one employee’s general dislike of another.
Stay focused on what matters. Don’t hesitate to say, “Shut up, sit down, and color.”
In this and 4 subsequent blog entries, I”m expanding on the “5 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” I outlined in a recent article.
This first law is based on decision-making; one of the most significant things we must do, as leaders, is to make decisions. Some will be good, some require further decision-making.
Law #1: Never delay or abrogate a decision that must be made. Make it and move on. You may have to immediately make another decision; this doesn’t mean your first one was wrong, merely that your second one had the benefit of additional knowledge.
Let me share a story…
I used to work for a 30-year General, a war veteran with a chest full of medals, ribbons, and other colorful accouterments. Great guy, razor sharp, did not suffer fools lightly. His name was Brigadier General Lawrence Bose.
General Bose, as many battle-hardened leaders (military and corporate) seem to be, was known to say some pretty profound things. The sorts of things you would tell yourself, “Hey, I need to remember that one…” Some actually stuck, which for me, is nothing short of miraculous. One, in particular…
“Shirt,” he would say (“Shirt” was sort of slang for “First Sergeant” in the USAF), “Leaders don’t really make good decisions or bad; they just make decisions. If they’ve done their job correctly, the people working for them make the results of those decisions good.”
Now, never mind whether you agree that decisions are never classified as “good” or “bad.” Set that part aside… more important is the leadership genius behind the comment. Our jobs as leaders is to make decisions. We’ve heard this a hundred times, so here’s a hundred and one: A mediocre decision made promptly and unequivocally trumps a really good decision delayed and hesitant.
Another fairly well known General, George S. Patton, put it this way: “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.”
Consider this: If we’ve managed our talent appropriately, and developed our staffs as we should, most of our decisions will result in unmitigated success — those people working with us will make sure of it.
