Don’t you wish we could flip a switch on the anxieties we felt last year as easily as we turn the page on the calendar? As I looked forward at 2021, I looked back over the last five years in our lives and saw this truth: every year has ups and downs that affect our mood at work; they just change over time. Not rocket surgery I know, but I needed the reminder.
Like leading by example, we don’t have a choice on whether our mood affects those around us and those who work for us. It does. Now I can’t guarantee a positive outlook and motivation will fill our workplaces with butterflies and rainbows, but there can be no doubt that a leader’s dour mood directly affects their employees’ morale and engagement.
I’m a strict Calvinist. In my favorite comic strip of all time, Calvin sums this up nicely: “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.”
I used to think I was a pretty positive boss to work for. Then one day a mentor called me out when he said, “Kevin, you’re just not prone to happiness, are you?” A huge part of a leader’s role is inspiring others to follow in pursuit of a vision. We make it really hard for them to be inspired if they don’t believe we are.
No, I’m not trying to resurrect the old myth about leaders having to be charismatic – there’s plenty of evidence to debunk that. But from the C-suites to the referent leaders far down in the organization, others are taking their emotional cues from us. Not a believer? Reflect for a second on a couple of the very best leaders you known: were they positive and encouraging in a way that make you want to do and be better, or did their interactions feel perfunctory and their tone and manner… like a thin veneer covering their anxiety.
Here’s a test: we all come to work at less than our best once in a while. On the rare occasion we do – regardless of whether we’re bothered by a work-related issue or something that happened outside the office – do people ask is something wrong? If not, it either means they’re used to us being in a bad mood or we’re not as approachable as we should be.
So how do we do it? How do we model a positive attitude when it feels like the world is throwing us more curveballs than we can hit? Do we just grin and bear it? Fake it ‘til we make it?
I have a better strategy for 2021. Here are a few tried and true behaviors that can improve our outlook and make us more positive leaders in (and out of) the workplace:
First and foremost: no complaining! Psychologists generally agree that our brains are hardwired to spend more mental energy and time on negative events than we do on good news. Complaining can easily become a habit, so we have to intentionally resist that negativity bias and if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. (Thanks, mom.)
Keep the vocabulary positive. Speaking of saying things, we can be honest about substandard efforts without sounding accusatory or hostile. “I think there’s a problem with this” and “I don’t think this is your best work” have a completely different impact than “You screwed this up” and “This is a piece of crap.”
Avoid emotional vacuum cleaners. I don’t mean the kind of emotional vacuum where it feels like nothing can fill an inner void; I mean the kind of person who can suck the joy out of a Superbowl victory parade. A common trait of good leaders is being empathetic, but that doesn’t mean we need to spend more time with Negative Nancy or Derek Downer than necessary. Maintain a positive boundary and move on.
Don’t lose sight of the long game. As in don’t sweat the small stuff. (Thanks again, mom.) Many of our problems at work are short-term and in the big scheme of things aren’t that big of a deal. After we deal with a problem, will it still seem like a big deal next week? Next month? Next year? The Greek philosopher Epictetus reminds us “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.”
Finally, put your own mask on first. Like donning emergency oxygen masks on an airplane, our heads have to be in the game enough to recognize when others are struggling. If they’re showing up at work anxious and frustrated and their performance or behavior is suffering, we’re liable to take the easy way out and address only what we see. That’s especially true if not taking good enough care ourselves.
Our folks deserve our best efforts in giving them a positive workplace where they can be successful. Are we giving it to them?
Kinda like Kevin Berchelmann described a business decision-making style in June’s At C-Level as “Ready, Fire, Aim!,” “On your marks, go, get set… ” is a planning style often used when preparing for the new year just after the nick of time. In past years, that style put us behind the eight ball initially, but we could recover with hard work and good leadership.
Guess what? 2021 won’t be like past years because the 2020 eight ball never stopped rolling. How we start the year depends mostly on our attitude: Is January 1, 2021 the 307th day of March 2020 (feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it?), or are there only 358 shopping days left until Christmas 2021?
Good leaders know that no new year will be like last year – or the year before that or the years before that – and are prepared to deal with the unexpected. An easy measure of that in 2020 is how our long organizations took to go from meetings around the conference room table to virtually in front of a computer screen.
If ever a year was going to start with VUCA, 2021 is it.
Here are some changes we know we’ll have to deal with, so let’s be ready for the unknown:
The 117th Congress will be sworn in on January 3, 2021. A new Congress means new rules that will affect our business in new ways. Are we agile enough to pivot?
Our competitors will develop new ways of doing business that will give them a marketplace advantage. Do we have processes in place to develop new ways of our own?
We’re going to have personnel turnover – some painful and some cause for celebration. Have we prepared by developing successors?
On the other hand, some things that stay the same may still take us by surprise:
Political strife isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
We still have a global pandemic to deal with.
There will be economic uncertainty that will make the stock markets go up and down and affect our businesses.
My wife will always get her way when we have a difference of opinion (I’m a leadership consultant; we don’t have conflicts).
Bill George at Harvard Business School writes that a leader’s answer to Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity in business can be found in his VUCA 2.0 – Vision, Understanding, Courage, and Adaptability – all traits of an effective leader.
So, where do we start in 2021? With something else that will be the same: the leadership basics that haven’t changed in a few millennia.
First, remember that our success (and the organization’s) depends on the people who work for us being successful. We can never forget who’s work keeps the day-to-day business operating. The majority of our effort should be focused on creating an environment where they can shine.
Set clear expectations. The Ambiguity in VUCA often starts with us not defining success for our team. We shouldn’t expect the results we were looking for if they don’t know what success looks like.
We can’t effectively lead someone who doesn’t trust us. If we aren’t positive and caring, or don’t have integrity or respect for the individuals who work for us, they will never trust us.
We have to get better at communication. Especially now when face-to-face communication is limited, our communication style needs to include a lot more listening than ever before. The people who work for us will have ideas for improvement and innovation long before we do (they probably already have them), so ask… and then listen for understanding to what they say.
Leading by example isn’t an option. When things get crazy (like they have been), we can’t expect our team to stay calm and focused if we don’t. We won’t have all the answers (we never have) and shouldn’t be so hesitant to admit it. And DON’T tell people to calm down! That never, ever works; re-focus them instead.
The world as we know it today won’t be the same as the world six months from now. Never has been and never will be. For our companies, it’s important that we hone the leadership skills to deal with the VUCA we are continually thrust into. For our people, it’s imperative that we don’t neglect the leadership basics in the process.
About 4 ½ years ago, I wrote a piece for At C-Level about being a Recovering Perfectionist. I thought I knew everything there was from personal experience about helping others over their perfectionist addiction. It’s simple, right? It’s just a matter of reframing success.
At the time, I readily admitted I was a controlling perfectionist and even enlisted some friends and family to keep me from slipping back to my old ways. Not the best idea I’ve ever come up with.
I’m not sure I’ve gotten any better. While I may never stop noticing when someone fails to live up to my unreasonable expectations, it’s been a fairly simple matter to stop bringing it to their attention. Like I’m doing them a favor letting them go about their day in blissful ignorance.
The problem? I’ve become a do-it-all.
Know-it-alls are annoying right to your face. In the military, we called them springbutts… the kind of people that spring to their feet in order to be the first with an answer. Often wrong but never in doubt. You probably have a couple in the office. Always seeking attention and validation, they’re just plain annoying.
Do-it-alls, on the other hand, are not always looking for attention… not overtly anyway. You can spot them when they grudgingly raising their hands and say, “I’ll do it.” And, while there are do-it-alls at every level of an organization, a do-it-all in a senior leadership position can absolutely cripple an otherwise high-performing team.
What does all that have to do with a perfectionism addict like me? Well, that’s my selfless motivation obviously. I know the task won’t be fun, but I’ll be doing it to my high standards which will make it better than if anyone else tried to do it. The problem comes when a leader tries to do it all and wastes their time ‘doing’ instead of leading.
Doing neither well, the do-it-all in them doesn’t get it all done on time, while the leader in them doesn’t see the negative effect it has on the team’s productivity. That only makes them feel more guilty and inadequate because they can’t do it all the way they want… and that makes them damned hard to work for (and live with). Face it, it’s impossible to meet all the demands created by our own unreasonable expectations. “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself” is a lie.
So stop being a do-it-all. Here’s how
First, prune yourself. Like a tree that yields better fruit when the less productive branches are cut away, take stock of the things you’re doing and cut away the tasks someone else can do (aka delegate or empower others) – even if it’s painful because they’re not being done at the A+ level. Just DON’T delegate to another do-it-all at the next level, and don’t forget to let others know you won’t be doing it in the future.
After the pruning comes reframing success. We have to stop expecting perfection! We’re imperfect human beings who will be much happier without the regular beatings we give ourselves for not being ‘good enough’ (whatever that is). Some examples: Is fully compliant and on time successful? How about getting a message across effectively, kinda like giving the time without the instructions for building a watch? How about the board reaching the desired decision after your presentation – even if you missed a well-rehearsed point or two? Yes, we all strive to do our best, but we can’t be our best when we’re weary from carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.
Next, give yourself a cookie. Reward success. A pat on the back, a shout out during a staff meeting, an actual lunch break, or even a walk around the production floor just to talk to and check on others. Whatever gives the successful person (or us) a few minutes to bask in the afterglow of a job well done. Too often we jump into the very next ‘have to’ or ‘need to’ without purging our minds of the ‘should haves’ or ‘could haves’ that come with wondering if the task just completed was good enough. That’s the perfectionist in us rearing its ugly head.
Finally, stop babysitting other people’s monkeys. (Yeah, I’ve got some weird analogies.) We’re all ringmasters of our own circuses. After eight months of the craziest year I’ve ever seen, it feels like my 3-ring circus has been crammed into a single pup tent… lions, bears and elephants included. There’s barely enough room for the monkeys I carry on my own back, much less for other people’s monkeys. Just a colorful way of saying be careful which problems you try to help solve for other people. Being a solve-it-all will get us to the same unhappy place as being a do-it-all will.
Do-it-alls eventually become complainers because we’re so busy and no one ever helps us and we never get the credit we deserve. Got a little personal there, sorry. My mother tells me, “you kinda brought that on yourself,” and no truer words have been spoken. To me, anyway.
How about you? Can you spot the do-it-alls in your organization? Do them a favor and teach them how to be successful without trying to do it all perfectly. It’s a lifesaving skill that’s worth sharing.
Focused businessman is reading through magnifying glass document
Several years ago, my sister gave me a book about how to deal with the controlling perfectionists in our lives. She said I might benefit from an impartial description of — get this — me.
Ouch.
Okay, so I only had two standards: perfect and unacceptable. That didn’t make me a bad person did it?
It’s not like I imposed my unreasonably high standards on my family or people at work. After all, I’ve always said, “Don’t let perfection get in the way of good enough.” And I talked plenty about building a culture where failures are learning experiences and not short-cuts to the unemployment line, of embracing our own failures as stepping stones on the road to self-improvement, yadda yadda yadda.
Other people’s failures, of course.
So what’s the problem with having unreasonably high standards?
The problem is that it makes us damned hard to work for. And guess what, as leaders it’s not about us; it’s about them. We don’t get the best from people when we bully them — yes, perfectionists bully, even if that’s not our intent.
Perfectionists notice only what’s wrong and not what’s right. But if our feedback style doesn’t include some encouragement about the good while we’re delivering the bad and the ugly, we’re liable to stop seeing the good at all.
I’ve got the stick for a minute.
It used to be a gold-star day when someone got a report past me without needing some re-work. Did that motivate them to try their best? Only initially, but when they learned their best would never been good enough, they started sending me crap knowing I’d put the effort into polishing the turd. Hardly the practice of a high-performing team.
Perfectionists are inflexible, resistant to change, and stubborn about having it done our way. Nothing wrong with that, since our way is the best, right? I can assure you that when we aren’t willing to let others do a task less well than we would do it ourselves, we end up pretty much doing everything ourselves anyway. Then we complain about being overworked, underappreciated, and short on the time and energy we need to be spending as leaders.
My mother would say, “You kind of brought that on yourself, didn’t you?”
With a tip of the hat to Maya Angelou, “…people will never forget how you made them feel.” Perfectionist bosses make others feel like they can’t do anything right. Not the legacy I wanted to leave as a leader, but what was I to do? ‘Good enough’ is the last thing I wanted to be remembered as.
Oh, that’s right… it’s not about me; it’s about them.
The good news: it’s simple to change. The bad news: it’s not that easy.
First, admit it — like any good twelve step program. Admit that you’re holding others to a standard that you, yourself can’t meet, and in the process holding the organization hostage.
The second step simply requires you to reframe success. Is perfection success? Probably. What about excellent? How about fully compliant and on time? What if your email gets the message delivered effectively but is missing a comma? Can you see where I’m going with that?
That’s it. That’s all it took for me. (Okay, like anyone in recovery, I’m a work in progress.)
Make sure your people know what success looks like, and when they get there, let them know it. Set clear and reasonable (achievable) expectations for them — and yourself — and celebrate when they’re met. That doesn’t mean settle for good enough; by all means, shoot for the stars, make continuous improvements, set audacious goals. Just make sure you’ve effectively communicated what success looks like and be happy when you get there.
Is your performance management system identifying your organization’s best leaders or its best doers? Are they being rewarded for their individual performance, or are they being recognized for how successful they’re making their team?
Do they get ahead by being competitive and striving to be the best, or do you value and promote those who collaborate and strive to make the company its best?
I’ve got the stick for a minute.
Late in my military career, I was blessed to command a fantastic group of diverse, talented and motivated Airmen. The only part that wasn’t awesome was that we lacked sufficient personnel and resources to be fully capable of executing our assigned missions. Often, we found ourselves in a situation which pitted me against my peers in a competition for more – more people, more money, more equipment, and more priority.
I initially thought it was the perfect job for me, because I’d spent most of my career competing for more.
Unfortunately (for me), my boss cared more about getting along and expected me to play well with others. After a little attitude adjustment, I found that collaborating with the other leaders – cross-training and developing people, and sharing the recognition accolades when their folks were involved – made us all more effective and successful.
Collectively, our teams’ successes made the entire organization more mission capable and successful.
Why did I feel it necessary to be so competitive? Because I was developed under a performance management system that encouraged individuals to be the best of the best, not collaborative and supportive. After all, we only want the best to be the leaders of our military forces, right?
And you probably want the best in your company to lead your employees. Who doesn’t?
But, when a rewards system keeps people focused on what they do and not why they do it, they become more competitive than collaborative. They put a priority on individual accomplishments and technical competence and miss out on the people skills development that comes from succeeding – or failing – as part of a team. Ultimately, the business suffers when decisions are made without considering what’s best for the organization as a whole.
It gets worse when you promote the best doer to be an unprepared manager, but that’s a subject for a different day.
I’ve read a lot of management job descriptions with sentences that start “Leads this…” and “Leads that…” However, I have yet to see a single performance review process that actually grades people on their leadership. Not that those systems don’t exist; I just haven’t seen one in practice.
Instead, we give managers credit for what their teams accomplish without helping them understand how their accomplishments contribute to the success of their department, the company, and the clients. In my example above, I was focused on how successful we could be instead of how successful WE (get it, the royal WE?) could be.
When you unwittingly pit employees against each other – especially at executive levels – you end up with people who spend their time jockeying for position, competing for resources, and vying for attention and recognition.
They end up focused on themselves, not the organization and certainly not the people they’re charged to lead. Too many senior leadership “teams” pretend to get along, while everyone below them on the food chain knows it’s just contrived collegiality. They talk a good game, but what they’re really playing is “what’s in it for me,” and their people and the company are suffering for it.
What does your performance review process encourage? Is it about their contribution to the larger effort?
Can they tell that their performance is judged by how successful they’ve made others, or are they too concerned about how they’re doing compared to others?
Don’t wait for HR to change the system. Have the conversations now that set different expectations for 2018! Make it the Year of Collaboration and Success.
